I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
