You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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