So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
