If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
