apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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