I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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