The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
