Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
