NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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