your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
