Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
