At least make sure they are 18
Why
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
