I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
