he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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