THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
