I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
