just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Randomize
