I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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