Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
do herpes really smell.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
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