He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
