You're my little dorito
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
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It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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