She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
It's rum buckets o'clock
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
