I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
