I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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