I heard we made out
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
