this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Randomize
