FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
