tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
so let's talk penis.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
