people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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