take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Randomize
