Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
