i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Randomize
