i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
We need a shit load of segways right now
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Randomize
