Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
you didnt know i had herpes?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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