At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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