Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
