he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
