I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
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