eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
