happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
