I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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