So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Randomize
