Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
