I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Randomize
