it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
