He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
