He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
