A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Randomize
