I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
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