I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
