happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Randomize
