I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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