Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
