The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
