So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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