i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
You are the jesus of drinking
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
