I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
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