bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
