After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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