youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize
