i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
