One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
