I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
