There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
