that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
